Why You Shouldn't Potty Train Until 3 Years of Age

Oh, the pressure! No, not the pressure "to go", but the pressure to put that baby on the potty "to go". This pressure that is put on parents of babies and toddlers, by grandparents, aunts, friends and day care professionals, can be quite stressful. Here is why I have decided that it is just not worth the effort to potty train before 3 years of age.

Our first born was in no hurry to get rid of the diaper. His preschool was, however. So, we trained for the next year. For a whole 12 months we put the kid on and off of the potty, all the while continuing diapers.  We tried the run-around all day on the non-carpeted floors without a diaper, or pants even, bringing the potty into the room with us. We tried the Fruit Loop target in the toilet too. He knew the process and hardly made an accident, but refused to go until we put a diaper on him. He would hold it for a day and a half, until finally, we would give in and put the disposable thing on him.  He would go and we would change. So tiring. So frustrating! He was 3 and a half before he was going into the potty on his own.

Our second born was in no rush to join the ranks at preschool. Two weeks was enough for him and we were told, by him, that there was no way he is going back to preschool! We taught him at home. We cherished the mommy and me classes at the community center and the time at home snuggling on the couch and playing at the park. After he blew out the 3 candles on his birthday cake, we started potty training. He was done with diapers in 24 hours.  That was it. Not a single accident. Not a wet bed. Done!

Our third born wanted to be potty trained at 2 years and a month old; right after her little sister was brought home from the hospital and had to have her diaper changed often.  She claimed that she wasn't a baby and so she didn't need diapers like a baby. Two months later, we were at an amusement park all day long, for my first born's 12th. birthday. Of course, Miss third born wanted to continue her potty training and practiced three times every hour in the public restrooms. So tiring! So germ-filled! Ten months later and after a year of this potty training-a full 12 months-she was done with the diaper! She was 3 years and a month old. Still, those urine-covered potty seats and those filled little potties that also leaked all over, were no picnic either, and it took yet another 12 months before she didn't need those anymore. Free finally at 4.

The fourth born is now exactly 2 years and 6 months old. She requested the pink potty. I obliged-rolling my eyes-and opened it up for her to sit down upon. She filled it up. So proud was she! So fake excited was I! Here we go again....
My guess is that she will be done, the day after she turns 3!

ANY comments or suggestions? Feel free to let 'em rip!

Keep Little Hands Occupied So Your Hands Are Free!

Whether you are a career parent, who has laundry piling up and kids pulling on your shirt sleeves for attention as soon as you walk in the door, or a homeschool parent, whose home is over-run by school-books and dishes and food messes and little ones, activity boxes can be your saving grace.

I bought the large tote with wheels at Target for the blocks. Then, I proceeded to the Dollar Store for the matching color baskets of two different shapes. I filled them each with items of the same category. Gears, musical instruments, counting puzzles, bug collecting and exploring gadgets, beads with string, flash cards, etc. are some of the categories. I used clear under-the-bed storage containers with lids for items like Playdough, paints, and Legos.  These are taken out and put on the table when I do dishes.  The other boxes are played in while the older kids complete school subjects with mom, or when I need to clean a bathroom, or dust a room.

The kids aren't always in boxes though! They love to work side by side with me when I dust; when I collect laundry, or fold towels; I always involve even the littlest of kids to "help" out by handing them a dust rag, or a set of handtowels to fold. When I vacuum, they are vacuuming the kitchen and dining area with the tiny vacuum.  Also, there are times when the older kids are doing work in their workbooks, or text books and I have a drawer of coloring books, a drawer of Dollar Store preschool workbooks, and a drawer of crayons for them to use right along with the big kids.

For special occasions when I have to watch documentaries with the older kids, or discuss household management with my husband, I bring out a box of little assorted things, such as dollhouse accessories, bracelets, dice, and other "littles". These have to be supervised with any kids under preschool age, so assign a big kid to sit with them, or just bring it out for the preschool to elementary aged kid to play in. (Grandma has her own box of "littles" as well for the kids!) Babies and Toddlers love to play with plastic cups, lids and Cherrios!

Most boxes can be put away in a closet, or up on a shelf and brought out for these special times, when you really need to have them not interrupting you. It keeps it exciting for them and works this way best.
Other boxes are set up, alongside book shelves of children's books, puzzles, and a play kitchen. They learn to occupy themselves, as long as you give them the attention first!

How Not to Lose Your Mind as a Mom of Many

Moms often ask how I don't lose my mind when raising four kids and homeschooling. Hmmm...

I have lost my patience. I am human. Humans can improve however.

Even before homeschooling, my husband and I have had a constant goal of self-improvement. We try to learn from our mistakes and often re-evaluate our behaviors in our marriage, with our children, and in our careers (homeschooling and homemaking for myself). We do lack skills, however, in our social and extended family relationships, so if you have any advice in these departments, please throw a line this way!

"But Jesus called the children to him and said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.'" Luke 18:16  

This has been my favorite story since I was a tiny child and it has led my life ever since. I have always wanted to be a mother and work with other children,  as well. From babysitter, to camp counselor, to Residential Treatment Counselor, to Sunday School teacher, to mother and homeschool teacher, my life has been filled with blessings and blessings of bunches of individual children of all ages. So, in the midst of chaos and with a lack of sleep, I have to remember the story of Jesus and how important children are to him. We have been given the greatest gifts from heaven, when a child is placed in our hands. Along with these great blessings, come enormous amounts of responsibility and it can seem very overwhelming.

A lack of sleep and an inability to focus on specific tasks (due to constant interruptions from little ones), make for crabby parents who lose their minds from time to time. I believe that the absolute hardest time for a parent, is the first year of a baby's life. (This may also be the first three and a half years of each child's life, if you have children such as mine, who don't sleep thru the night until this age!) To make it even harder, add a toddler to the mix with a newborn. Now add older kids, to the toddler and the newborn. WOW! Now you have what my fantastic friend, Fatima, is now dealing with. YIKES!

How do we cope?!? What advice can we use?!?

1) Kids come first. Then Mom's shower. Then the house. Then the spouse. (Don't forget about the spouse!)

2) Once kids (and you) get to sleep thru the night: the spouse comes first. Then the kids. Then the shower. Then the house.

    *If you are without a spouse, give yourself that   extra attention. Give yourself compliments and cook yourself a meal. Follow the next step as well, just double it!

3) A special instant cappuccino, flavored hot tea, or scented soap for the shower can give you a perk that helps you get thru your day. You deserve to be pampered, and even if it is just this little bit, it can make a big difference. I love a mid-day flavored hot tea and scented hand soap throughout the day.

4) Forgive yourself for having piled-up laundry and a messy house until you can sleep again. Forgive yourself for a lack of outings with the kids and for not signing them up for sports and music classes. These times will pass and all will be actively involved again before you know it! You and the kids won't even remember that you skipped out on extracurricular activities for the year, or two, or three and read books and watched movies together on the couch every day-day in and day out. They will remember you spending time with them, snuggling up on the couch, loving the time together! Just remember to at least get them out of the house a few days a week, even if it is a walk in the stroller, or a sit in the yard. (Not necessary every day. They won't wilt away.)

5) "Sleep when the baby sleeps" doesn't work when you have other kids. That's hilarious. 

(Use it for the first baby though. You are a parent-in-training and you will need it this year! It is more for your baby than you. Safety issues. Just take my word on this one!) 

6)*****Take advantage of your energy spurts!*****

My rule when I am pregnant and that first year with the newborn: clean only when you have energy spurts, otherwise rest. Take advantage of these times and in this order:

    ~(a)Throw in/switch laundry.(b)Do dishes.(c)Five minute pick-up.(d)Clean toilets.(e)Clean sinks.

(f)Dust  and wipe down everything else when you have another adult around to wrangle the kids.     (g)Make beds once a week or two, when you change them. All other times are not realistic or important.

(h)Groceries and bills are to be done by a spouse, or when, again, you have another adult with the children.

7)Always shower and dress first chance you get.

(Take toddlers in the bathroom with you while baby sleeps.) It just makes you feel better. Too tired? I get it.

8)Thank God. Ask God for strength and help.

9)Never feel guilty for not doing enough, or think you are lazy. These thoughts are useless. You need lots of rest. Kids need a hands-on parent, not a perfect house or spoon-fed activities.

10)You will lose it at times. Try not to yell or ask for too much from your kids. When you do though, which you will, apologize to them; end with hugs.

11)Keep lots of small activity boxes for kids, to take out for them to dig into, when you need a break, or to get things done. I will write about these activity boxes in my next post!

12)Communicate nicely about your needs with your spouse (or a loved one if single). It is key!

Remember~THIS IS ONLY A SHORT TIME IN YOUR LONG LIFE. ENJOY YOUR CHILDREN AND FORGET THE GUILT OF NOT BEING PERFECT! NOT A SINGLE PARENT IS.

Homeschooling Hours-How to Run A Homeschooling Day

Your day may look different than my day. Your year may look different than my year. This is no different with homeschool. Personally, my typical homeschool day changes from year to year. Based on how old my children are, whether they have become morning or evening people, how many children I have that year, and what our outside activities may be, our daily routine is adjusted to fit our needs.

When my boys were 6 & 9 years of age, we tried to set up a school room in the basement and adhere to  the 8am to 3pm schedule. I bought two sets of used curriculum, a new set of Southwestern Student Encyclopedias and a whole bunch of school supplies, marker boards and cheerful paper signs and pictures to put up on our walls. We read, highlighted, and took notes throughout the day, with quick breaks and a steady pace.

The housework went to the wayside. I was pregnant, tired, and nauseated all of the time.  My boys quickly got burned out. I was obsessed with righting down every little thing they learned and documenting it in our syllabus. Nothing excited me more than to see those school hours add up! I refused to take days off, except for all of December. Summer was no more than two short months. My children quickly learned to despise me.

The baby arrived half-way into that school year and I learned the benefits of homeschooling. I didn't have to drive the kids to school early in the morning. If the baby slept in, we slept in. (My kids never slept thru the night until they were past the age of three. This baby wasn't any different and kept us up all night long, every night.) So, this was one benefit. The other was the lack of homework assignments to keep up with; the laundry that piled up wasn't a big deal, due to the fact that we stayed in our pajamas all day anyways; and I didn't have to show up for parent-teacher conferences, school performances, or pick them up from school/bus stop.

We also learned to take things slowly. We read more. We watched documentaries together. Every morning started out with PBS's, "Sid the Science Kid". We spent hours outside discussing Science and other interests.

As the baby grew older and we started a new school year, we would school the morning kid in the morning; break for an early lunch; come together for Science and History when the baby napped; and then school the evening kid at the end of our day. Whomever did not have school at the moment, entertained the baby.  Chores were done between 4 and 5pm, so that when Dad arrived home (if he wasn't out of town as usual), the house was picked up and we were all free to relax for the rest of the day.

As the boys turned 9 & 12 years of age, baby number four arrived. We learned to complete individual learning by ourselves, with needed help in the same schedule as above (morning time with mom for one boy and afternoons with mom for another). So, half of the day was spent in one's room doing online geography, typing, writing, reading for literature and history, as well as piano and computer lessons. The other half of the day was spent with mom or dad, learning science, math, and home ec, as well as exercising and watching documentaries. Toddler number three learned to be involved in computer programs such as ABCmouse.com and starfall.com, or color, or watch PBS or Sprout or Nick Jr programs. We took advantage of naps with baby four to get housework done. The boys did housework with me to learn to cook, clean, do laundry and pay bills.

Subjects are usually scheduled by days, but not by the hour.
Monday and Wednesdays we accomplish: Math, Reading, Health/Gym/Swim Class for Homeschoolers at the YMCA, Science, Geography, Computer, and Piano. Tuesdays and Thursdays include: Math, Writing/Grammar/Spelling, Exercise, Science/Art, History, Spanish, and Home Ec. Fridays are for: Math, Reading, History, Spelling Quiz, and for Catching Up.                          

Religion and Hobbies are a part of our everyday lives, as well as other living skills. Sports and other classes are sporadic and happen when we can fit them into our lives.

Toddlers should be left to play and be read to. Preschoolers should be gently encouraged to recognize the alphabet and numbers; to cut and color; to write letters and numbers freely; to draw freely; to be read to; and to play. Sit down workbooks should be limited to a few minutes, a few days a week. Computer play and programs are very much encouraged in today's world. Elementary kids should have just a couple of hours a day of sit-down work, increasing by 20-30 minutes each year. High school students should be up to 4-5 hours, more if desired. These are widely held beliefs/opinions. Each child and each family is different. Not all students and families fit into the same size of clothing.

Charter School Meets Homeschool

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Wow! We are in our 6th. year of homeschooling and I am still excited about sharing a year of learning with my offspring! This year though, we add a student. My third-born child starts pre-elementary, (I am not a fan of the labels of "preschool", "4K", etc., and I don't believe in rushing the learning process, but) she is none-the-less wanting to write and excited to read, so we are diving in this year!  I catch that train when it takes off and it was leaving the station this summer, so we hopped aboard.

Still, that challenges me with 3 students and a 2 year old in the middle of it all. So, I found a brilliant online charter school that wasn't hooked up to the public school system (which has given me bad stomach aches in the past-a personal bumpy journal I would rather not revisit).  This in turn, put a burden on our savings account, but would free my brain-load and student-teacher ratio up a bit.  It would be for my computer-junkie of a 14 yr. old, so I thought it to be a match in heaven.

The Keystone School at keystoneschoolonline.com, had all that we were looking for and more.  The price was half of what other sites were charging, yet they had much more to offer.  Their students entered into Ivy League colleges and universities; their list of class offerings were perfect for the sequence of what we had been learning; they had classes my son was interested in; they would provide a diploma for junior high and high school; and there were teachers and guidance counselors around the clock that would be available as needed!  The added bonus, was that The Keystone School had social online clubs and groups, as well as a supervised Facebook account for its students!  My son has Asperger's Syndrome and I found this to be a perfectly safe and comfortable way for him to make friends and feel part of a group.

Their tuition included the books he would need and they were sent to our home right away. A Learning Coach called us two weeks into our enrollment, to see if we had any questions or concerns and to just introduce himself. This is a busy man. The Keystone School is an international school and our Learning Coach provides online seminars as well, to help our children with their learning environments and journey. A personal phone call was impressive. A teacher from each subject also emailed us to introduce us to their classes. Online instructions, videos and seminars are also available for parents and teachers to learn about how it all works. 

Our big idea bombed when my son read the teacher emails. He said that he got sick to his stomach (he did turn white and looked queasy) and he started tearing up. He stated that this felt like public school all over again and it brought up bad memories. (This is where the damage and trauma that public school did to my child, angers me and still comes into our lives.) He relates the school process to his days of being bullied and of teachers yelling at him and sending him out of the classroom when he was over-whelmed by stimulus such as noise.                                 Outcasted.

I then thumbed through the books, hoping to gain his interest back. He was so excited about the class descriptions online, that I was hoping to spark his interest back. What I found though, in the first half of all of the books, (with the exception of the electives that didn't have books) was that the material was all of what we had already learned in the last couple of years. This was a chief complaint of my son's with homeschool. I was accused of re-teaching him the same material over and over again and that he was bored to death! That was it. I closed the books. I released him from his chair in front of the computer and the emails, gave him a hug and let him know that we will figure out a way to make learning fun again this year. No repeats on subjects.

Then, I called the sweet staff at the school and they assured me that upon my return of the books (as long as they were in new condition), that my money would be returned back onto my credit card, minus the shipping of the books of course. I thought that they would then hang up. Instead, she listened patiently to our reasons for not moving on with Keystone and offered assistance in the future. She told me to call with any questions I had with homeschooling my son. She wished me all the luck I needed and complimented me on raising four children. Then, she reassured me that they would be available in the future if he wanted to just try out a class or two (instead of the six we put on our plate this year).  It was the first time I had returned a product, requesting my money back, and hanging up, feeling as if I made a few friends, instead of being angered by rude employees.

Next, my 2 year old wakes up from her nap on our leather couch, in a pool of her own urine, for the fourth time this year. (Our couch has multiple rips in it, so the couch is now absorbing this urine.) I call my husband on his way home from work and ask him to turn around and head for the furniture store.  He asks me how we are paying for this couch. I happily tell him, "with the money being returned to us from the charter school." It looks like I will be earning that couch, by teaching my offspring for a 6th. year.

Let the Homeschooling Begin!

Whether you pull your kids out of an institutional school, or whether you have decided from the start that homeschooling is a good idea, it is always scary and confusing at first.  At best, you are left in a foggy cloud, wondering where to begin.  You can be lucky enough to have friends who are already teaching their kids at home, but they are not always clear as to which steps you can take to get started.

First of all~WELCOME! Welcome to the world of parenting first hand. Welcome to the awesome family of homeschoolers! You are one of us; whether you have one child at home and one at a traditional school; whether you are just debating the idea of schooling at home, or unschooling at home; or if you have put both feet and all children in~you are welcomed!

Simple points to get you started:

*If pulling your children out of school during the school year, write a letter to the principal stating your children's names (whom you are pulling out of school) and state your intention to homeschool them.  Sign and date the letter.  Keep a copy. 

*Google/Search YOUR state and homeschooling laws.  For example, type in the search bar: homeschooling in (Wisconsin/your state). Read it. (The state where you have residence while you homeschool is the state that you look up.)

Some states require no further action, but list what subjects you need to teach and for how long per year. Some states want you to fill out a form via online, or print out and send, by a certain date. Some states require further action and want paper work and testing. Read. Call with questions to the number given on their website. (It is usually a government/department of education/your state website.) Don't be intimidated. The laws are actually much simpler than how they read on paper.

*Take a new notebook. Put in a copy of any forms you had to fill out with the state, if any. Write down the subjects you have to teach, according to the state's rules. Write down the amount of hours, or days, you have to teach, if stated.

*Breath. Hug your kids. Breath. Go to the park. (This is what we call "deschooling".)

*Now, unless your state specifies that you have to follow a set curriculum that is approved by the school district, (search online for your local homeschool group, or school district, to answer further questions in this case), I would do the following BEFORE you spend a ton of money on curriculum that will end up in your trash.

    *Buy a math curriculum (like Saxon for Homeschoolers at saxonhomeschool.hmhco.com), or at the least, math work-books that give a variety of math lessons to the grade level that your child is at.  (Saxon is often a year ahead, so you may consider buying a year back.  For example, if your child is in the 6th. grade, buy 6/5.  If she is in the 7th. grade, buy 7/6 for homeschoolers.)  Yes, Saxon is a curriculum and pricey, but it is vital for students to keep up with math in a sequence; and it will cover all holes that you may not know you are skipping over otherwise.  This is my curriculum exception and it is much cheaper than buying a whole, all-encompassing boxed set curriculum.
    *Buy Language Arts work books for kids, such as the FlashKids series found in Barnes and Nobles, or online at various websites.   For the 3rd grade and younger crowd, check out the dollar stores and the big box stores for workbooks.  They are cheap and effective. 
    *Every remaining subject can be obtained IN THE LIBRARY, with online research and free sites on the computer (such as allinonehomeschool.com), from DVD's, as well as on PBS, Discovery Channel, the History Channel (beware of age in-appropriate material here-watch first before you show to your children), etc.  Netflix has a wide variety and a huge list of great documentaries as well!
    *To help with Science and History subjects, just choose what interests you and dig into the subject as deep as you would like.  You are not trying to continue public school at home and besides, every school district learns the subjects in various orders. Catch your child when he is interested in certain subjects in History or Science.  Kids learn better when they are excited and interested in a topic.  Catch that excitement train before it leaves!  Take out lots of books and documentaries.  Remember, they don't need to learn every fact, date, and person out there.  Just have fun and dig in!  Don't forget about government history and current events, when they reach their jr. high/early high school years. Geography is fun to learn on free websites, such as shepardsoftware.com, or kidsgeo.com.
    *Gym, Health, Home Ec, Art is learned at home naturally, thru healthy lifestyles and hands-on parenting.  Just document it in your notebook under these subjects.  Walking, biking, swimming; chores, helping fix the car, lawn mowing, baking; talking about hygiene and puberty; making puppets, lava lamps, holiday ornaments; these are all documented under the above subjects.  I give one whole credit hour to each subject done that day.
    *Music is done at home, or at lessons.  Practices, or the study of music by listening and reading about the musician's life, can be documented as an hour a day that these tasks are done.  Computer lessons are a vital part of this generation as well.  Seek out community classes or software to help with that.  Let kids have lots of time to "play", "type", and "create" on the computer.  It is how they learn!
    *If your YMCA gives homeschooling classes, such as Gym, Swim, or Art, sign them up and document the hours!  Sports and other clubs count too!  Religion also counts!  
    *Documenting hours your first year, is easiest in a basic spiral notebook. Date each day, write the number of hours that you work on learning. (Some parents log half-hours to shorter tasks/lessons, two hours for longer ones, such as Math, or a documentary.)  Write down the total amount so far, for the year, next to that. Write down the subjects taught that day and a short explanation of what was taught.  Under a separate section, giving yourself many pages, write a list of curriculum, work books, books, documentaries, movies, etc. that you used throughout the year.  Be sure to include every title, author, and publishing date of every fun book, chapter book, poetry book read, as well as the hard core learning texts. Document as you go!
    *Keep a Rubbermaid box for collected papers written, art work made, other various projects, etc. that you can collect and keep, just in case laws change and you need to prove your homeschooling.  Some states even require this as part of a "portfolio", along with your hours documented, etc.
    *Now, research "learning styles of children" and "different homeschool types" to learn all you can on the various ways your child might learn (this will take a year or two of watching your child and teaching her in different ways-visual, hands-on, auditory, etc.).  Different homeschool types are the various ways in which you may want to homeschool.  This is the fun part of teaching homeschool!
    *Have fun this year!  Your first year is just about getting your feet wet and enjoying each other!  Also, please remember that young children need only 20-60 minutes of "schooling", 2-4 days a week, and more hands-on play the rest of the day!  Early elementary students need just a couple of hours each day, increasing their sit-down work by 20-30 minutes each year.  The high schooler may be up to 4-5 hours a day at best.
    *Some of us school year round, with breaks throughout the year.  Others may follow the public school calendar.  The decision is up to you!  Just follow your state laws and document, document, document and don't push your kids to do hard-core school and memorization.  You are homeschooling for a reason.  Learning should always be fun, light-hearted, child-led and teacher guided and approved :-D

•     *For extra guidance and to feel like you are on-track, check out books in the library on what your child should be learning at a certain grade, as well as seeking out online homeschooling websites, or public school district websites on these topics. A place to start would be at www.home-school.com.