Moms often ask how I don't lose my mind when raising four kids and homeschooling. Hmmm...
I have lost my patience. I am human. Humans can improve however.
Even before homeschooling, my husband and I have had a constant goal of self-improvement. We try to learn from our mistakes and often re-evaluate our behaviors in our marriage, with our children, and in our careers (homeschooling and homemaking for myself). We do lack skills, however, in our social and extended family relationships, so if you have any advice in these departments, please throw a line this way!
"But Jesus called the children to him and said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.'" Luke 18:16
This has been my favorite story since I was a tiny child and it has led my life ever since. I have always wanted to be a mother and work with other children, as well. From babysitter, to camp counselor, to Residential Treatment Counselor, to Sunday School teacher, to mother and homeschool teacher, my life has been filled with blessings and blessings of bunches of individual children of all ages. So, in the midst of chaos and with a lack of sleep, I have to remember the story of Jesus and how important children are to him. We have been given the greatest gifts from heaven, when a child is placed in our hands. Along with these great blessings, come enormous amounts of responsibility and it can seem very overwhelming.
A lack of sleep and an inability to focus on specific tasks (due to constant interruptions from little ones), make for crabby parents who lose their minds from time to time. I believe that the absolute hardest time for a parent, is the first year of a baby's life. (This may also be the first three and a half years of each child's life, if you have children such as mine, who don't sleep thru the night until this age!) To make it even harder, add a toddler to the mix with a newborn. Now add older kids, to the toddler and the newborn. WOW! Now you have what my fantastic friend, Fatima, is now dealing with. YIKES!
How do we cope?!? What advice can we use?!?
1) Kids come first. Then Mom's shower. Then the house. Then the spouse. (Don't forget about the spouse!)
2) Once kids (and you) get to sleep thru the night: the spouse comes first. Then the kids. Then the shower. Then the house.
*If you are without a spouse, give yourself that extra attention. Give yourself compliments and cook yourself a meal. Follow the next step as well, just double it!
3) A special instant cappuccino, flavored hot tea, or scented soap for the shower can give you a perk that helps you get thru your day. You deserve to be pampered, and even if it is just this little bit, it can make a big difference. I love a mid-day flavored hot tea and scented hand soap throughout the day.
4) Forgive yourself for having piled-up laundry and a messy house until you can sleep again. Forgive yourself for a lack of outings with the kids and for not signing them up for sports and music classes. These times will pass and all will be actively involved again before you know it! You and the kids won't even remember that you skipped out on extracurricular activities for the year, or two, or three and read books and watched movies together on the couch every day-day in and day out. They will remember you spending time with them, snuggling up on the couch, loving the time together! Just remember to at least get them out of the house a few days a week, even if it is a walk in the stroller, or a sit in the yard. (Not necessary every day. They won't wilt away.)
5) "Sleep when the baby sleeps" doesn't work when you have other kids. That's hilarious.
(Use it for the first baby though. You are a parent-in-training and you will need it this year! It is more for your baby than you. Safety issues. Just take my word on this one!)
6)*****Take advantage of your energy spurts!*****
My rule when I am pregnant and that first year with the newborn: clean only when you have energy spurts, otherwise rest. Take advantage of these times and in this order:
~(a)Throw in/switch laundry.(b)Do dishes.(c)Five minute pick-up.(d)Clean toilets.(e)Clean sinks.
(f)Dust and wipe down everything else when you have another adult around to wrangle the kids. (g)Make beds once a week or two, when you change them. All other times are not realistic or important.
(h)Groceries and bills are to be done by a spouse, or when, again, you have another adult with the children.
7)Always shower and dress first chance you get.
(Take toddlers in the bathroom with you while baby sleeps.) It just makes you feel better. Too tired? I get it.
8)Thank God. Ask God for strength and help.
9)Never feel guilty for not doing enough, or think you are lazy. These thoughts are useless. You need lots of rest. Kids need a hands-on parent, not a perfect house or spoon-fed activities.
10)You will lose it at times. Try not to yell or ask for too much from your kids. When you do though, which you will, apologize to them; end with hugs.
11)Keep lots of small activity boxes for kids, to take out for them to dig into, when you need a break, or to get things done. I will write about these activity boxes in my next post!
12)Communicate nicely about your needs with your spouse (or a loved one if single). It is key!
Remember~THIS IS ONLY A SHORT TIME IN YOUR LONG LIFE. ENJOY YOUR CHILDREN AND FORGET THE GUILT OF NOT BEING PERFECT! NOT A SINGLE PARENT IS.
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